We need... ??

post..... :|

Post... !!! :O

POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x-(

I need a new post... i need to write a new one... anyhow... anything... Stuck in such bizarre moment, i lay down... thinking... but still not coming up to any conclusion... heavy head kept screaming which echoed more than anything else, why should i?? whats my reason?? do i have my resolve yet??

I tried answering these question, tried to get the most reasonable and such an answer which would pose me as a great guy... with awesome sense of living... etc etc..

But really, i was stuck at only one thing... I realized that i was only trying to run away... run away from the depths of being incomplete... from the world where everything comes to a halt after sometime... be it the success coming up, be it free caller tune service, be it that pretty girl/guy who you met a week before... everything will come to an end... and i kept running away from all of it.

Running away from accepting the fact that this Blog Funda is temporary and will soon wrap up... Running away from accepting that this can happen with everyone... Running away from every reality which comes crashing down to pulverize my lies.

Really, But is this the case with others too??
Are we all running from something?? Are we all afraid of something??

Trying to hide from our very own existence... Ignoring someone just for the sake of not seeing that one puny thing, that one insignificant person which might provoke us, who might release us from the shackles of our control and consciousness..!!

Why... do us, we Humans... possessor of Tiny Insignificant Heart n Mind, have to think about matters around us... matters which we know can't be resolved but yet whose solution is as easy as 1+1 = 2.

Why do we need to attach ourselves with people and their things that later we end up crying over our muddled lives with some grains left in hand.

GOD !!!..... aren't ppl around us getting more n more depressed with every passing moment??
Yes.. they are.. Yes.. ppl are not good.. Yes.. ppl are depressed with themself... Yes.. ppl do hate others... Yes... Yes... YES !!

But, is that going to change the reality?? will that change the fate of that person??
Of course not... but still, see... we run away from accepting the reality... and still, we tend to find bits of comfort in our devastated relationships... Still, we tend to pose high-fi and then later cry over the phone...

So Hollow........ So Weak....... Unimaginably worthless.....
What kind of ppl we have transformed into... no one is happy... nobody cares... and still no body is ready to Accept.. Accept the Pain, the Pleasure... the Resurection, the Demolition...We Shun... but still we have to Show.. !!

God... how wasted we are.. !!

English Project File

Cleaning my place.. throwing some old stuff out.. clinging to resolve -- AAJ TOH SAAFAI KARKE HI RAHUNGI !!!

Mom found one very interesting file... English Project File... Weird naa.. exactly.. that's what i exclaimed when she handed it over to me....

Seriously... i was flipping through it.. first thing in it was related to Fire Alarm, which my bro had made in XI class... then the main file started.. topics were..

• Cuttings on people.
• Cuttings on environment.
• Cuttings on offers.
• Cuttings on Science Facts.
• Bar Graph of Marks in Term 1 and Term 2.
• Nature Poem.

I flipped... flipped.... flipped... with a big smile on face, which left mom perplexed with what was going through my mind !!

She kept on asking, "Hass kyun Rha hai !!... hass kyun rha hai.. !! "

But, now how do i make her understand... that even i didn't had any inkling about it... in fact, i wasn't even listening to what she said... lost in my own world, i was just flipping..

From cuttings of some "Smart Survivor in maze of politics" to cutting from "Obituary".. from "Noise levels during Diwali" to "Reasons to keep Air Clean"... i was just flipping, rather going through at ultra fast pace.
skipping the science section and marks distribution graph.. i directly came onto the Poem part...
still wondering if i wrote it... and, if i did then when..

Anyway, i read it.. "Here it Comes"... appellation of the poem.. and the next thing in mind was, "Yeaaa.. of course.. here it comes, hogi koi pakaaau, bakwaas shayari meri phir se !!.. "

Here it comes, here it comes,
Sun is down, calm and sound.

Here it comes, here it comes,
ringing bells in sea-shells, scaring away the red knights of sun

Here it comes, here it comes,
night is falling, showing her face to mankind.

Here it comes, here it comes,
Here it comes, here it comes.

-- Nikhil Pandey
IX-E
K.V.A.G.C.R.

"Ninth !!!!!!... i wrote this in ninth.. mann.. !! did i had any talent back then.. ??", questioning myself i was smiling... i recalled... it was back then, when the teacher had asked us to write a poem (no cheating) and present it in class... i still remember, how proudly i stool among the other 5 people.

:)) ... to be honest, i never had been good in scoring... always believed in education with a little twist, its not like i never knew or understood whats going in class or no idea of the subject... but it was just that i was more of a recreational guy... Marks ke peeche kaun pade !! (which still reflects in my CGPA !!)

By now, i was able to recall every moment when i wrote it... it was evening, looking out from my room's window... i kept on scribbling in the notepad, every tits n bits of matter that could strike my mind.. still struggling hard with words (first time tha yar... words never come easily..) !!
Anyway, after 1000 cuttings and paragraph positioning.. i was able to compose this one..

And, the best moment was when my teacher asked, "Nikhil, you wrote this.. !! NO.. i can't believe it.. !!" and then i ran to grab that notepad, flipping out the pages for the one i needed... and then with a Confidence full of Pride, i present a page, full of Cuttings, twisted words, spelling mistakes and i say, "Ma'am, this is the rough i did... Mein sachi bol rha hun... maine hi likhi hai..." and then when ma'am accepted.. and i swaggered down the class to my last bench.. !! -- this was the moment, when i had my first ride with words... since then it has changed a lot (for better i guess)... things, people, matters, emotions... but still, there's one thing... which didn't change.. it was ME!!

Its not just me... if u look around yourself... so many things have changed... Talk about that tall building which was eating dust a few years back or talk about that abandoned flat where the new girl lives... be it the new car of Mr. Mehra or new cellphone of Ashi... Everything's constantly changing... its just you, who has been keeping his identity for such a long time now... So... ultimately, i urge to find yourself... deep in you... do exactly what u like to do... one will find it foolish to follow.. but, one day you'll realize.. that when u look back into your memory bank, it's such weird and unreasonable things only, which show their face and leave a smile... !!

Confusion

Strange appellation to this post... right ??
Yes sir, it is... in fact, i was confused until the very last moment of publishing this post !!

To have a look people around me, we have maths champs... extremely outgoing ppl... authors... druggists... cooks... journalists... dancers... doctors... in overall, we meet a plenty of people, masters of their field with experience ranging from zero to infinity.. And in present times, where there is such a rat race... such strong competition going on... its really hard or should i say baseless to aim low, everyone wants 100%, everyone wants to be in the top cream, everyone strives to be the master...

But ever cared to meet a jack of all trades... you must have never met a person who could do everything, if not completely but still upto some good amount... And has ever anyone or you have thought of being just a Jack... A Jack of Everything.. ??

I have, i want to be one... I don't want to wait for the electrician to fix the lights for me... I don't want myself running down when my phone dies... I don't want kick my CPU when its full of viruses... I don't want to stay quiet if someone resorts for my help in any matter...
But, i do want to serve my guests with the best style possible, i want to be center of attraction when comes to problem solving and all i want is ability to fix or at least try to fix any vagrant problem... But, then at the same time...getting such ability is really difficult.

Right from the start, we are taught to be master of one and rely on others for different matters.
But, even that's not entirely bad, its good to be social & ask others for help... But isn't it good to have an idea of everything on your own too??

Why are we taught to do things & keep sticking to them until we are master of them and when you have mastered it then keep pursuing the same thing up your entire life... Why does one has to become one thing in life, can't he be multi-dimensional??

Is it necessary to be stuck in old dirt?? Why can't we experience all the faces of life we want to??
Why can't we just DO things, GAIN from it and GO forward in life, to do some other thing?? and make ourselves exposed to so many things, realize matters and gain knowledge... make ourselves tougher !!

Coming onto another aspect... there are two parts of society... like, of a house, the upper part and the lower part.

Upper part -- the walls, the floors... anything above the ground.

Lower part -- the Foundation... those few feets of Brick-work, on which the whole upper part is standing... the raising platform.

if u look more closely, u'll realize that every season the upper parts get a new paint job, plastering.. care, love and appreciation.
and, lower part... nobody looks at it... bas... ek baar bana dia and bhool gaye... But look at the irony of it, if u'll remove it then the whole building will come crashing down... Those few bricks, subjected to eternal darkness, stress and pressure.... all that just to make the building stand better... Clearly, The brick of the foundation needs to be tougher than the ones used for structure.

Similar way... is the side of Masters and Jugaados... Masters make up the face of the society... and Jugaado ppl make up the lower part.. nobody appreciates them, but still they are necessary, they are the ones who know a lot.. But still.... anyway, these Jugaad ppl need to be more stiff-minded.. and so they are.

but, if i ponder over it further... Exposing myself to various professions will make me resource full for sure.. I will gain a good stand as "JUGAADO" in society, i will make enough money i need to sustain myself...but will it get money so that i may level up from just sustaining?? will it get me the name, the respect i desire in society, will it benefit me and my upcoming generations...???

That's something everyone nowadays is facing... A choice !!... and to be honest many of us don't even have a slightest idea of how to get through it...

Should i pursue a dream which makes me happy, makes me feel much more suited, makes me feel free.... or should i think of my family, think of my upcoming kids, think of money and do a job which will simply suck out everything i have, every bit of life and throw bundles of note on my face... ??

it really shakes me up sometimes and leaves me with a questions... rather a choice.. of pride or freedom??? dignity or family?? money or happiness?? responsibility or... myself??

Remembrance...

I've been thinking this evening.. wasn't sure what to write or what to not.. in fact, i'm pretty unsure for now too.

One of my very good friend, Sejal, had been kicking me like anything to write something... something to acknowledge the term "Friendship". But, how can i make her understand that words for such things are hard to come up, not sure if i'll write a good piece like the ones before, but still.. lets give it a shot.

Friend : ummmmm.. dances with you in rains.. you can scream your heart out when drunk.. shoulder to cry upon when sad... person to hug when extremely happy... the person whom you can call midnight and say "yaarr... bhukk lag rhi hai!! mann bhi nahi lag rha hai... apna thoda sa dimaag de de na khaane ko :(( .... Puhhhhlleeeezzz.... :) " ... or is it more???

Really, to be honest.. friendship is limitless... its Murious.
Its a True and Honest relationship which knows no boundations, no reason, no plea and no rules.
You surely must be having many people around you tall, thin, dark, healthy, short, fat, fair, wheatish complexion... There are so many people whom you contact in day to day life... so many people you come across... but at the end of the day, its one's Friends only which prove to be the ultimate Stress-buster.

I've been really very fortunate... THANK LORD, for having wonderful friends around me, who secretly played significant role in my life... Manipulating, twisting, configuring, inspiring and motivating for the best...

Thinking of how i got started with Sejal (the sole person to whom i will dedicate this post), it was a spark... ummmm... out of nowhere we just got on.

Story goes something like this... She used to study in same tution as me, but i being shy guy, we never conversed much and that too was in 8th or 9th.. and then she left n i didnt get to see her.
Then one fine day, while i was coming back home from school (in 11th), proudly on my Atlas Vogue... As some work going on the side-lanes i thought to change my route.. This was when i saw her going home... bag loosely hung from one shoulder, looking downwards, a specky and thin girl, quite lucrative body structure, as i gave a closer look i could see pretty more interesting matters... pretty interesting she was looking (wont mind saying this...) ;)

For a moment, i was left agape and kept on thinking what do i do...!!! anyway, it would have been really awkward to say a "Hi" just like that after so long... so i peddled up the cycle and went past her.

Next day, with heart beat pumping to max, i left late from school, again took that route and again saw her.. but still, didn't greet her though i was paying full attention expecting her to say "HI", i crossed her sluggishly... but still.. nothing happened.

I spent a few days doing the same, trying to find the average time when she leaves from school, shows up on the gate of Defence Enclave and then heads up to home after having a good chat with Keertika (her friend)... I wanted to do so for two reasons, One -- i didn't want to act like a fool as i waited for her to show up.. and Second -- i obviously wanted her to be alone when i talk to her as i didn't have enough guts to talk with someone around.. :P :D

Sometimes fixing the cycle, sometimes fixing the bag, sometimes tying and untying shoe laces or fixing the cycle chain, i did all till she showed up, so i could note the time & finally i was able to calibrate my timings to her...

Step 2 -- TALK TO HER... the hardest part was it, really, talking to a girl... & worst part is that she knows me, so this rules out the "just like that" entry.

Reason! Reason! Reason! Reason! Reason! ... i wanted this to strike a conversation with her.. :(

And Finally, one day... i got it.. was peddling at high speed, taking sharp turns and SCREEEEEEEEEECH !!
i braked hard as a car came unknowingly, skidding the cycle sideways towards her, i was wondering or worried or perhaps muddled up that if i am going to hit her or not, anyway whatever it was... it left her pale and there was my chance... it felt as if the reason i was looking all over came running to me like a beautiful bride, dressed elegantly in white and flowers being showered all over.. !! :P

Taking advantage of it or what people call "Chance pe Dance..", i said, "Ohh.. shit.. i'm sorry, kahin lagi toh nahi...", "you're okay, right??" and there she was with a strikingly disfigured smile, "Yes, of course i am fine", "Its okay, i am fine.."

Ummmmm.. then without wasting any time i said, "you're sejal right.. ??", still apologizing once in a while, which was really to actually borrow sometime and think over what to say next..

Gazing into her pink glasses, i wondered how can glasses be colorful :-/
coz i had never seen one... anyhow, she later told me that she gets them tinted.. we kept chatting, kept walking...
And then at Swasthya Vihar Market she said, "Yuppp.. so, Nikhil, it was nice meeting you, ab yahaan se you'll have to head back your home, yahaan sab mujhe jaante hai...", the very next moment i said, "Haan, ofcourse.. infact i was about to say same thing..." & smiled... must have been the most amusing or probably the Dumbest smile or whatever it was, but she laughed. This really gave me some confidence & i headed back to my home with a limo long smile.

Fir kya thaaaaaa.... !!
we started talking pretty often, i used to sometime wait for her on the gate and vice-versa & then we headed back together, it was a nice feeling..... hehehe.. or may be the hormones... :D :D
Finally, it became more of a routine, we used to meet after school, talk for a while.. in fact she was the first girl i was so open... and the first one i was hitting on...

She must be laughing if shes reading it right now... So, this is how it all started, now i've known her for more than 8 years... we are best of friends.. There have been times when we've gone through some rough patches(in our respective lives) but this friendship we had, helped a lot getting out of the abyss.
I'm really thankful for her... for.. ummm.. actually nothing materialistic.. but thank you, for the way they feel.. the way they make me feel.. :))

So, now all i have to say is be Honest, be caring, stop pretending & be a true friend... Its very very necessary and being a friend is really a very tough job.
Cherish your friends, praise them, kick them, beat them, worship them or love them... But do it with fair intentions and a True Heart.

There are plenty of things which cannot be shared, plenty of emotions that can't be expressed, numerous coffee moments which are left unsaid... but i think, this is what all together makes Friendship.

Just can't end this post.. anyway have to... so, i'll do it with the loveliest lines from Nickelback's Song -- If Everyone Cared.

If everyone cared and nobody cried,
If everyone loved and nobody lied,
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died.